How Travelling Europe Saved Me From People-Pleasing

For most of my life, I felt like a chameleon.

Growing up with intense social anxiety meant I became an expert at blending into whatever background felt safest. I wasn't existing as my true self… I was living as a version of who everyone else needed me to be. I was what my family wanted me to be, then what my teachers expected me to be, and then whatever my friends needed me to be.

By the time I reached my 20s, I looked in the mirror and realized something jarring: I had built an entire life, but I had no idea who I actually was inside of it.

I worked hard, but found myself stuck in jobs that felt completely draining. I stayed in relationships where I didn't like my partner… and liked who I became around them even less. I was living on autopilot, following a script written by everyone except me.

Then, I decided to do the scariest thing I could think of. I quit my job, bought a plane ticket, and joined a group travel tour through Europe with a bus full of complete strangers.

The last day of a 25-day trip around Europe (Feb 2020)

When you travel somewhere completely new, where no one knows your history, your past mistakes, or the role you usually play, something magical happens. The expectations waiting for you at home disappear.

Stepping out of my comfort zone forced me to face myself without the safety nets (and let’s be honest, constraints) of my old routine. There were no family dynamics to manage, no performance reviews to worry about, and no old friendships enforcing who I "used to be."

For the first time in my life, I had space to just breathe and react naturally to the world around me.

Climbed to the top of le Dune du Pilat (Jan 2020)

What shocked me most about solo travel wasn't the breathtaking landscapes or historic cities: it was discovering who I was when nobody was watching.

Away from the noise of my daily life, I saw how fun, adventurous, resilient, and downright silly I could be. Those traits didn't take effort to fake or perform; they came completely naturally once I gave myself permission to express them.

It turns out, that fun, adventurous person wasn't someone new I had to construct. She was who I had been all along, hidden under years of anxiety and people-pleasing.

Feeling at peace on our last stop of the trip, Amsterdam (Feb 2020)

We often talk about travel as a tool to "find yourself." But for me, travel was less about finding a new identity and more about unbecoming the version of myself that the people in my life had made for me.

It was about shedding the nervous, overly cautious person I thought I was defined as. It was about unlearning the habit of shaping myself to fit other people's expectations, and slowly stepping into my own truth.

I brought that person back home with me. I brought back the confidence of navigating foreign train stations, the memory of laughing with strangers over local food in France, Spain and Italy, and the quiet knowing that I am capable of directing my own life.

If you find yourself stuck in a life, job, or routine where you don't recognize yourself anymore, take this as your sign: step outside your comfortable world. Book the flight, take the leap, and give yourself the chance to “unbecome” everything that’s holding you back.